Mama 2 Mama Tips

photo credit: tillwe

Communication with our children can be difficult at times. We feel like they’re not listening to us; they feel like we’re not listening to them. Everything becomes a fight waiting to happen. Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting. Your child’s feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you need to show your child that you see this. Listening to them is the perfect way to show your child that you are on their side.

Many people have a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, learning to not react helps us to be receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions. This helps your child express himself openly and honestly without fear of repercussion. By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid, or at least lesser than our own. By responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they are coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It’s crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, ask questions, and repeat back what your child has told you to let them know that you really were listening.

Don’t discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Your first reaction may be to try to calm your child. Many parents listen to their child then respond with “Oh, it’s not that bad.” “I’m sure she didn’t mean that.” “In a few days you won’t even care anymore.” While you may think your child is overreacting, or that saying these things will calm your child, what this actually does is negate their feelings and opinions. Perhaps in a few days your child really will no longer care, but the fact is that right now she does care. This is what you need to focus on.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond – don’t react.

Related Reading:

Dog Days (Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Book 4)

Smooth Talking Stranger

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw