Mama 2 Mama Tips

6 Tips To Help Your Baby Sleep Better

Summer M — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:38:06 +0000

Every parent dreams of a night full of sleep. The reality is that most children are just not “good” sleepers during their early years. There are dozens of so-called experts who claim that they can train a baby to sleep through the night, however the risks that come from this type of training is too often greater than the rewards of an extra hour or two at night. Instead of turning to dangerous, and sometimes cruel, sleep training techniques, here are ten simple tips to help parents and babies sleep better at night.

Change your perspective. To adults, sleeping through the night means 7 – 8 hours of sleep. However, to an infant this can mean simply 5 hours or less of straight sleep. Infants need to sleep in shorter sleep cycles for several reasons. They are growing at tremendous rates and need both food and stimulation frequently. Instead of trying to force a longer sleep cycle, create healthy attitudes about sleep by making it a peaceful and loving transition in the day.
Put yourself in your baby’s position. Imagine you are in a strange world where everyone speaks a language you can only barely understand. The one person that you trust above all else has left you alone, in the dark, and you are unable to understand why. You are crying out to be held and comforted, how would you feel to be left to cry? When a child feel safe and secure in their place they are more confident to take the next step, including sleep. Imagine yourself in your child’s place and act how you would want others to act.
Choose sleeping arrangements that fits your family, not others. How a family sleeps is unique to that family. Some need space at night, others need to be snuggled up close. Do not worry about what the so-called experts say, or how other families sleep at night. Listen to you and your child’s needs to create a sleeping space that works for you.
Be flexible each night. Children can change from one night to the other, and young children can be having problems that you are not aware of. A child that normally sleeps well may suddenly change their sleeping habits. This can be a signs of a growth spurt, of an upcoming developmental milestone, or an illness that has not fully surfaced yet. Be flexible and willing to change as your child needs it. This not only creates an atmosphere of safety and comfort, it also allows you to be more open to trying new things that may work far better.
Create a bed time ritual. A reoccurring routine at bedtime helps to transition a child into sleep. Young children and infants are comforted by common patterns. If bedtime is a sudden, jarring occurrence that catches them off guard it is natural for there to be resistance. Instead, create a relaxing ritual that helps guide a child into the bedtime transition.
Make days about play and activity. Children and infants have an abundance of energy that needs to be released. Giving children opportunities to let out their energy during the day will help them to unwind at night, and sleep more peacefully. On the same token, when evening comes make a point to begin calming and relaxing. Turn off the television and other electronics and can interfere with normal sleep patterns at least one hour before bedtime begins. Create a clear division between the energetic days and peaceful nights.

Each infant is different and will sleep on their own unique schedule. Some parents are fortunate enough to have children that fall asleep and stay asleep easily from a young age. More common, however, is a child that learns to sleep slowly and surely. Just as it can take time for a child to talk, walk, and use the toilet; sleep habits can naturally take time to develop.

What tips would you offer to parents who are having trouble with night time problems? What things worked, and did not work, for you and your family?

photo credit: Hammer51012

Co-Parenting Support

Summer M — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:54:29 +0000

Love and partners: How has a co-parent supported your dedication to natural parenting — or not?

This is the second monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about how a co-parent has or has not supported us in our dedication to natural parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Parenting outside the mainstream can be a lonely ordeal. Choosing things for your family that those around you do not agree with or understand can sometimes make you fee as if you are swimming upstream.

Having a supportive partner can make it so much easier.

I have made choices for my children that family and friends disagreed with. Making choices that I knew in my heart were right for us was still difficult when I was surrounded by criticisms on all sides. Yet I had a partner beside me for each one. A partner who was willing to sit down, talk, listen, and try to understand where I was coming from. That has often meant all the difference.

When I wanted to change our eating habits away from the standard foods we had grown up on, he stood beside me in the face of “But you ate that and you’re healthy.” When I made the choice to give birth at home he told naysayers to be positive or be quiet.

He has provided more than just support, he has also been willing to talk to me about controversial topics with an open mind. Some subjects are considered dangerous or unhealthy immediately by the mainstream. He was willing to read what I was reading and discuss his thoughts and opinions with me. Having a serious conversation on natural parenting options rather than being blown off made me more serious about researching and learning more.

Not everyone has the luck to have a supportive and helpful co-parent. I am absolutely glad to have the good fortune to have met mine.

photo credit: suneko

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated Feb. 9 with all the carnival links, and all links should be complete and active by noon EST. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)

A Thank You to my Husband — Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl thanks her husband for keeping her grounded and giving her unwavering support in the face of discouragement from within and without. (@lactatinggirl)
My Reverse Traditional Husband In the Wild — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries gives us a lesson on how dads in the wild parent their young. Can you guess which male animal actually nurses its young? (@babydust)
TITLE — TopHat at The Bee in Your Bonnet tells us how the patience of a partner can make a difficult breastfeeding relationship succeed. (@TopHat8855)
Parenting Together — For Alison at BluebirdMama and her husband, parenting is simply an extension of the way they live. (@childbearing)
If We Had A MIllion Dollars — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way. (@bfmom)
February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents — Dionna at Code Name: Mama has written a letter to her husband, thanking him for his incredible support in every aspect of their natural parenting journey. (@CodeNameMama)
Natural Parenting Fathers — Sarah at Natural Parenting is balancing being all there for her son with being present for her husband. (@considereden)
Just Wonderful: Love and Partners and Natural Parenting — Zoey at Good Goog let her husband lead her to babywearing and cosleeping. (@zoeyspeak)
All that stuff I don’t get comes so easy to him — The Grumbles is taking this opportunity to say thank you to her husband for his mad parenting skills. (@thegrumbles)
The Power of Having a Supportive Co-Parent — Chrystal at Happy Mothering and her husband started with vaccinations and moved on from there. (@HappyMothering)
February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners — Lauren at Hobo Mama makes do with babbling incoherently about how her husband practices natural parenting in such an effortless fashion, with bonus video. (@Hobo_Mama)
Love and Partners — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog shares her husband’s moving account of her birth story, and his testament to the power of a woman. (@myzerowaste)
labor support… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is thankful that her partner has provided her immeasurable labor support through each of their last three unassisted homebirths (and will again for their upcoming fourth!).
What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone. — Ruth at Look Left of the Pleiades describes life without a present co-parent: making new choices and taking care of things herself. (@brightravenmum)

Parenting With Support — How many people can say that their husband talked them into cloth diapering? Darcel at The Mahogany Way can! (@MahoganyWayMama)
Co-Parenting Support — Summer at Mama2Mama Tips knows the importance of being supported in the face of criticism. (@mama2mamatips)
Natural Parenting Carnival: Love and Partners — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has been blessed with an incredibly involved partner. Her husband loves to take part in every aspect of parenting! (@pchanner)
Daddy’s Little Girls — Kate Wicker at Momopoly finds her husband right at home in a tangle of girls. (@Momopoly)
How do I love my parenting partner? Let me count the ways. — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker is thankful that she and her partner co-parent fluidly and gracefully. (@mamamilkers)
Interview with a Daddy — NavelgazingBajan brings us a highly amusing peek into her husband’s perspective.
Being Supported in Natural Parenting — Sarah at OneStarryNight has witnessed both ends of the parenting spectrum, and is grateful she found a father who is comfortable with natural parenting. (@starrymom)
Moments in time: a love letter — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick will make you cry with the beautiful way she describes the complete relationship between father and child. (@RaisingBoychick)
Natural parenting converts — Jen at Recovering Procrastinator brought her reluctant husband around to cloth diapers, bed sharing, and time-ins as a discipline method. (@jenwestpfahl)
Breastfeeding Father — Amber Strocel at Strocel.com describes how her husband helped her overcome the breastfeeding challenges she encountered with her premature daughter. (@AmberStrocel)
A Natural Parenting Village — Acacia from Art, Body & Soul, in a guest post for Jamie at Suddenly Stay at Home, broadens the term “coparents” to embrace supportive extended family on both sides. (@SuddnlyStyAtHme)
A Natural Dad — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest doesn’t have a husband who merely supports her — she has a husband just as dedicated to natural parenting as she is.
Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma describes life with the sometimes bumbling but always lovable Pantsless Man. (@kitchenwitch)
G-O-T-E-A-M! — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile made sure her future husband agreed with her parenting choices early in their dating. (@tisworthwhile)
how we come to parenthood — Michelle at womanseekingmother dances with her husband around the subject of cosleeping. (@seekingmother)

Preparing For Parenthood Weekly

Summer M — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:24:19 +0000

Preparing for parenting does not end once the baby is placed in your arms. As children grow and change, what seems like daily, it helps to prepare as often as you can.

Each week we hold a family meeting. It is a time to discuss what happened in the last week and what we want to happen in the next. Beyond just plans and events, we also take the time to talk about the emotional health of our family. Our meetings are times to share our, and our children’s, expectations for the week and to share what we can do to meet those expectations thoughtfully.

As our children grow, we also have a private weekly discussion just between the parents. We talk about milestones and developmental stages that are coming up. It helps to be prepared together when a growth spurt is common in the baby. It also helps when one of the children starts acting out, if we can pinpoint it to a stage that is normal and then find ways to smooth the situation better.

We use our meeting time as an extra moment each week to bond, connect, and share. We give everyone a chance to communicate, in their own way. It may be just a comment about dinosaurs from the toddler, but giving him his own space to speak up opens the doorway for him to communicate with us later. Whatever they have to say is taken as important, even when we disagree with it. Disagreements often give us a chance to better explain a rule that we had assumed was explained enough already.

Though we try to maintain some sort of structure, it is important for us to let the kids know that at the meetings they have equal say. We are not the bosses or in charge of what is said. Some things might be written down to explore more later, but we make an effort not to brush aside their thoughts and feelings. This helps to keep the doors of communication open between us all.

A family meeting can benefit any family, big or small. Taking time specifically to share and talk helps to build bonds and foster attachment long after the cuddly baby stage is passed. We would be lost without it.

This post is part of the 2010 API Principles of Parenting blog carnival, a series of monthly parenting blog carnivals, hosted by API Speaks. Learn more about attachment parenting by visiting the API website.

photo credit: Evil Erin

Breastfeeding and Menstruation

Summer M — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:55:55 +0000

Many women who practice exclusive breastfeeding find that menstruation after birth comes at a delayed time. For some women, it may take months before it returns. And then, there can be an abnormal cycle including skipped months.

After postpartum bleeding, a true menstrual cycle can return at any time. One of the most common connections is when your baby begins sleeping through the night or eating solid foods in their diet. When the frequency and amount of breastfeeding decreases, often your body will take that cue that it is time to renew the cycle. While you are still breastfeeding you may experience an abnormal cycle, with shorter or longer times between periods and some skipped months. This is perfectly normal for breastfeeding women.

Some women use breastfeeding as a type of birth control. This process, called the Lactational Amenorrhea Method, is not entirely fool proof though it can decrease the chances of pregnancy occurring. Women who are exclusively breastfeeding their child and still frequently night nursing who have not yet had a return of their menstrual cycle have a very low chance of pregnancy happening. However, there are still risks.

When Your Child Is The Bully

Summer M — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 13:37:44 +0000

Bullying is back in the media spotlight, unfortunately because of a teenage girl who committed suicide after her relentless bullying. Many parents are wondering what they can do if their child is on the receiving end of a bully. But I want to look at the other side. What can parents do when they discover their child is the bully in question.

It can be hard for some parents to accept that their child could be capable of bullying. Especially to such extremes that it causes emotional distress and pain. Yet staying in denial of it will not help the situation, and can actually make it worse. Parents need to meet their children head on and be willing to get to the deep reasons why they are acting in such a way. Some kids bully because they feel insecure. Belittling other children helps them to feel stronger, better, or tougher in their own lives. Others have a need to be in control, and bullying other kids can help them gain that sence of power over the situation.

An ongoing pattern of bullying and aggression can be signs of a deeper emotional issue. Perhaps they are feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated yet lack proper ways of expressing those feelings. They may require counseling with a qualified professional to help them learn to release those feelings without hurting others.

Parents need to let their children know that bully will absolutely not be tolerated. Bullying needs to be taken very seriously and firm rules need to be established. Bullying should not be tolerated as “something kids do.”
Parents need to help their children learn how to treat and respect others. Both through conversations, and also through example. Telling children to treat others kindly does no good if they see you acting in a hateful or bullying manner towards another group of people.
Encourage good behavior through affection. If your child only receives your attention when they are acting negatively, they will increase those actions to get more attention. Instead, make an effort to call attention to positive behavior that you see.
Be a part of your child’s social life. Know who their friends are, where they go, and what is going on. You can then influence positive actions, discourage negative relationships, and foster tolerance among your child’s peers.

Stopping bully will not happen over night. Some children need professional counseling to help them move past the issues that push them to bully others. Stepping up and taking control of the situation is so important when your child is the bully.

photo credit: Mindsay Mohan

Eating and Drinking During Labor is OK

Summer M — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 15:20:27 +0000

For years women laboring in a hospital setting have been told that it is dangerous to eat and drink during labor. There have been fears that a woman could aspirate the food into her lungs after receiving general anesthesia during childbirth. Unfortunately, the lack of food makes women become tired during long labors. This can lead to an increase in interventions and c-sections.

However, women rarely receive general anesthesia during their labors anymore. The advances in anesthesia practices have made vomiting a rare occurrence, reducing the risk that food once was. Many doctors are beginning to relax their stances on food and drink for laboring women. A new review of laboring women has found no evidence of risks for laboring women who eat. High-risk obstetrician Jeffrey Ecker, MD, of Massachusetts General Hospital told WebMD:

We are, as we speak, in the process of re-evaluating our practice, as I believe other hospitals are.

Women who have chosen out of hospital births have known for years how important it is to stay energized while laboring. Many midwives encourage a woman to eat and drink as she needs to during labor. This new research is another step towards changing what many saw as outdated and harmful hospital practices.

photo credit: roens

What You Eat During Pregnancy Can Last A Lifetime

Summer M — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:28:27 +0000

Everyone knows the expression “You are what you eat.” But did you know that what you eat also affects what your child will eat?

During pregnancy, the foods a woman eats can flavor her amniotic fluid. The fetus growing inside swallows the fluid and become used to the flavors of the foods eaten. This can affect what a child will and will not eat later on. One study that showed this came from researchers feeding pregnant rabbits juniper berries. When the young rabbits were old enough, they sought out juniper berries to eat. A study involving pregnant humans showed that mothers who drank carrot juice regularly during pregnancy had children who were more agreeable to carrots later on.

A mother’s diet not only flavors amniotic fluid, it can also flavor her breastmilk. This exposure to a wide range of foods early on can help an infant become exposed to a variety of tastes, and grow to enjoy these foods before they are ever eaten. By choosing a varied diet rich in fruits and vegetables mothers have the unique ability to influence healthy eating habits long before they begin.

photo credit: seanmcgrath

Urgant Call For Breast Milk Donations to Haiti – Updated

Summer M — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 14:56:51 +0000

Update: Officials Call For Halt To Breast Milk Donations To Haiti

The Human Milk Banking Association of North America (HMBANA), United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), International Lactation Consultant Association/United States Lactation Consultant Association (ILCA/USLCA), and La Leche League International (LLLI) have teamed up to urge breastfeeding mothers to donate extra milk for infants in Haiti.

One batch of donation milk is already being shipped to Haiti, to be distributed by a U.S. Navy ship stationed just outside. Breastmilk donations are vitally important for sick and premature infants, as well as those who have lost mothers during and before the earthquake. Clean water sources are not available everywhere currently, which makes mixing infant formula especially risky.

An International Board Certified Lactation Consultant as well as a qualified MD are stationed aboard to help distribute milk as needed by infants. As further infrastructure is provided older infants and children will also be receiving milk donations. Unfortunately milk supplies are very low at most milk banks, which makes donations even more vital.

UNICEF, the World Health Organization, and the Emergency Nutrition Network all say breast milk is especially important during times of disaster because of the disease preventative properties. A recent study has shown that long term breastfeeding is important to fighting the HIV virus in children of infected mothers.

A list of milk banks can be found at www.hmbana.org. Those who cannot donate milk can still donate money for the non-profit organization to help those in need.

photo credit: DVIDSHUB

Toilet Learning, Not Potty Training

Summer M — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 13:36:48 +0000

There is a debate among some parents over the term “potty training”. Opponents say training is what we do to animals, not our children. That going into the process of moving from diapers to toilet with “training” in mind makes the entire stage into something more complicated that it needs to be.

Toilet learning, however, is about gently helping a child learn to use the toilet. Often, without doing anything at all.

Children need time to move into the toilet stage. Some will cross over at around 2-years, others may take much longer. It can feel frustrating when you want to get rid of diapers quickly, but your child is a slow mover. Many child experts agree though, the longer you wait the easier to can be. When a child is ready on their own time they are much more willing to make the transition.

Being open about toilet use can also help a reluctant child. The toilet can be a loud, scary thing for a small child. When he or she watches parents and older siblings it can ease some of the fear and help the child understand better what to do. Being exposed to the sounds of the bathroom can help move a child into toilet use.

For some parents, using the toilet begins at birth. Elimination communication is a toilet practice where parents do not use diapers on their infants, instead using cues and timing to help their child use a toilet. A good deal of communication is required for this to work, but those who do are often thrilled to be rid of diapers immediately.

photo credit: Jeremy Levine Design

10 Parenting Posts You Should Read This Year

Summer M — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 16:43:59 +0000

I know the year is new, but there are already more than a few great bloggers out there sharing the fun and the agony that parenting can bring. From not giving up the TV to meeting your needs, these bloggers are opening up about what it can take to make this year one of the best yet.

If 2010 already has you stressed and uncertain, take some time to read through these posts to feel inspired and ready to blossom!

Don’t Kill Your TV – The Sparkling Martins : So many parents advocate for less TV, to unplug their kids and regain some sanity. But is no TV really the way to go? Can staying plugged in help connect children to the greater world around them?
Spanking: Socialized Child Abuse or Discipline? – Natural Papa : What is spanking? A great look at the defense of spanking arguments and what it really comes down to.
Child’s Hierarchy of Needs – PhD in Parenting : Do you know what your children really need? What needs should come first? And how to meet those needs in a way that helps your child? A great visual image to show exactly what a child needs in their life.
Where do your kids’ toys go to die? Children, consumerism, toys and trash – Crunchy Domestic Goddess : Have you ever thought about where those broken toys go after you toss them out? As more and more toys are made from cheap, low quality material what message are kids getting from the constant breaking and trashing cycle?
Simplicity Parenting – Nature Moms Blog : This post is basically a book review, but it’s also so much more. Advice on the importance of routines and simplifying kids’ stuff, this post inspires you to break the stressed out habit.
Simple As That: The Emergency hug – Simple Kids : Sometimes all that you need is to stop and give each other a hug. I love that’s something all parents need to remember.
Getting On The Same Parenting Page – API Speaks : What do you do when parents disagree on parenting issues? Great advice for creating a shared parenting strategy that works.
Practicing Peace: Mindfulness – Mama Om : Tips to remain mindful of your day, your tasks, and your child. This is one of a great series on peace.
The Emotional Benefits of a Family Bed – Natural Moms : There are often lists made of the health benefits of co-sleeping, but the emotional benefits are just as great. This is a great list for parents still on the fence about sleeping with their child.
How To Become A More Intentional Parent – Sorta Crunchy : Three simple tips on becoming the parent you want to be. Broken down into it’s basics, suddenly things do not look quite so hard to do.

This are only some of the amazing posts that have been written already this year, and there are so many more to come. What parenting blog posts do you think all parents need to read this year? Please add your suggestions to the comments!

photo credit: Robert Whitehead

Mama 2 Mama Tips

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