Bullying is back in the media spotlight, unfortunately because of a teenage girl who committed suicide after her relentless bullying. Many parents are wondering what they can do if their child is on the receiving end of a bully. But I want to look at the other side. What can parents do when they discover their child is the bully in question.
It can be hard for some parents to accept that their child could be capable of bullying. Especially to such extremes that it causes emotional distress and pain. Yet staying in denial of it will not help the situation, and can actually make it worse. Parents need to meet their children head on and be willing to get to the deep reasons why they are acting in such a way. Some kids bully because they feel insecure. Belittling other children helps them to feel stronger, better, or tougher in their own lives. Others have a need to be in control, and bullying other kids can help them gain that sence of power over the situation.
An ongoing pattern of bullying and aggression can be signs of a deeper emotional issue. Perhaps they are feeling hurt, angry, or frustrated yet lack proper ways of expressing those feelings. They may require counseling with a qualified professional to help them learn to release those feelings without hurting others.
- Parents need to let their children know that bully will absolutely not be tolerated. Bullying needs to be taken very seriously and firm rules need to be established. Bullying should not be tolerated as “something kids do.”
- Parents need to help their children learn how to treat and respect others. Both through conversations, and also through example. Telling children to treat others kindly does no good if they see you acting in a hateful or bullying manner towards another group of people.
- Encourage good behavior through affection. If your child only receives your attention when they are acting negatively, they will increase those actions to get more attention. Instead, make an effort to call attention to positive behavior that you see.
- Be a part of your child’s social life. Know who their friends are, where they go, and what is going on. You can then influence positive actions, discourage negative relationships, and foster tolerance among your child’s peers.
Stopping bully will not happen over night. Some children need professional counseling to help them move past the issues that push them to bully others. Stepping up and taking control of the situation is so important when your child is the bully.
photo credit: Mindsay Mohan
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3 Comments: Trackback URL | Comments RSS
February 1st, 2010 at 1:06 PM
Thank you so much for this post. Too often posts like these take a tone that is all about blaming the parent, and being a conscientious parent of a child who has the tendency to be very bossy and who used to hit other kids when she was very young, I have often worried about her growing up to be a bully and wished there were more resources for parents of bullies. Because right now it appears that all the resources are for parents of the victims of bullies, which is obviously very important but I don’t like how parents of bullies get blame and anger shot their way instead of a helping hand.
February 1st, 2010 at 3:43 PM
I completely understand. My middle son is very aggressive about getting his way and I worry that he could become a bully without help. Blaming the parents never helps, providing advice should be the focus all the way.
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:52 AM
Good article! I guess its really hard to see your sweet baby as anything but perfect, but it really is important for their futures to stop that behaviour. Great reading.